My "talk" with Man-pretty

The blood drive was today. A certain Student Council member strutted around with her lame-ass name tag on. She used to be one of my best friends, but now I don't even think she remembers who I am.
During band and most of lunch Man-pretty donated blood because he's old enough to. I was going to confront him then...but I didn't get the chance to do so.
I started to feel better about all this after Shorty told me that Man-pretty and Black have dated off and on for some time now. Every time she breaks up with him he vows never to go out with her again because he doesn't like her. Rumor has it that she only asked him so she could have someone pay her way into Prom.
When the bell wrang after lunch I felt like I was going to puke. I had been laughing and joking around with Pink Piggy and Book, but when I turned around I saw Man-pretty and Black...they had their arms around each other. So if anyone noticed that I was upset during English...that' why.
I wanted to ask him why he lied to me. At first I was going to do it before 4th block, but he wasn't at his locker. He wasn't there either after school. I walked to the library & I saw him drivin' around. When I arrived at the library, my dad got there like, two seconds later, so he waited in the car until I was done. Yeah, when I was done, I turned to walk out of the Community Room and guess who was turning to walk in--MAN-PRETTY.
I walked back into the room and told him how I had been looking for him at school. Then I made a joke. Then I asked him why he lied to me. I tried looking him in the eyes, but it was impossible. He said that he didn't lie...he asked me what I wanted to know about it, but I couldn't say anything. Out of all the things I've thought about saying to him I couldn't think of any of them. I looked up at him again...all I saw was his brown eyes. "It's only temporary." Meaning that he doesn't expect to be dating Black long. Then he started talking about books.
I wish I would have said more; I couldn't though. I hope he was able to see how upset I was because I know I didn't tell him.
I used to think that when Whelk Boy broke up with me...well, I thought that was the worst I would ever feel. It's not. I feel worse now. I can barely eat now and my thoughts drift to suicide. I won't do it though, I'm to curious what would happen the next day...if everything would miraciously fix itself somehow....

I don't know what to do, and I don't think anyone can help me.

Why can't I ever just be happy?

Everything was going fine.
Man-pretty said he didn't want a girlfriend at the moment. LIE
Man-pretty said he could not see me hurt. LIE
Yesterday I would have given just about anything to be with him. Now I would give just about anything to never see him again.
He has hurt me so bad that I'm not sure I can feel the same for him anymore.
For those of you haven't heard:
Man-pretty has a girlfriend. That's not what bothers me; I mean, it hurts, but I'm fine with that. The part that bothers me is that he didn't tell me. We talked for two hours on Wednesday. He told me that he likes me. I don't know whether I can believe that now.
Every time I feel remotely happy something crashes down into my life and leaves me motionless. Have I done something wrong to merit all this crap I've been put through?

This day is never-ending!

I woke up at about eight so I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight. I know I'll need one because I have Dural's class & if I don't get enough sleep at night...well I will first block.
I looked at the clock, expecting it to be around three o'clock...IT WAS TEN!!!
For those of you who don't know, I have this thing called Low Blood Pressure. My heart doesn't pump a whole lot of blood, and when I stand up not enough gets to my brain. That causes my brain to shut down and I pass out and have a minor seizzure. I'm on medication for it, but today I felt like I was going to pass out all day. When you are about to pass out it can be the worst feeling in the world followed by the most releiving. Feeling that nonstop pressure surrounding your body is horrible, and when it's not followed by that sweet relief it's unbearable. I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate passing out, but when you go from feeling like crap to feeling nothing.........

My computer is messed up. Every once in a while it goes "Ba-ding-ding!" It's not like a sound effect either...it sounds like one of those Munchkins on Wizard of Oz is in my speakers!

On the bright side, I did get to watch Down With Love...Ewan McGregor is a sexy man!!!
I can't post a picture at the moment because my computer's not letting me. As soon as I can I will though!

Happy Easter!!!

Okay, so I've kinda been telling my parents that I want to be a chef when I grow up. I really don't, but I find it to be a clever answer when they ask the dreaded question on what I plan to do with my life. Well, today it caught up with me. I really like cooking and stuff, but not when it's a holiday. My mom had me make the majority of Easter dinner. I SHOULD be a chef because my deviled eggs turned out awesome (better than my aunt's "secret recipe"), and I didn't even have a recipe to follow from. Yeah, I'm a loser because that was the highlight of my day!

Everyone has to go to this site. It's friggin' awesome. It tells you what Napoleon Dynamite phrase best matches you. I am "Tina you fat lard, come get some dinner!"
http://www.kwiz.biz/showquiz.php?quizid=11324

Then of course there's Which Napoleon Dynamite Character Are You?
http://quizilla.com/users/tylerhyde/quizzes/Which%20Napoleon%20Dynamite%20Character%20Are%20You?/
When I took this quiz, I surprizingly turned out to be Kip. LOL

This morning I went to get my eyebrows waxed. I've gotten them waxed before, but for some reason they've NEVER looked this thin. I mean, they seriously look like this ~ ~!
My mom and I accidentally locked ourselves out of our apartment today. That sucked. We eventually got back in though.
I took a two hour nap today. Can you tell that I had an EXTREMELY exciting day?


Sexy man! His name is Danny Smith...he plays the guitar and
sings for The City Drive.

Happy at Last

That's right, I'm finally happy. You might be asking yourselves "Why? She has no boyfriend, sucky grades, a grim future, etc." Well, last night I had a VERY interesting conversation with Man-pretty. We talked about everything for around two hours. Then I brought it to that one topic of why he said no..........
He illustrated one of the many reasons why I like him. He gave me two impressions last night: The first being that he and I will never date. The second that he likes me....a lot. He actually said "I like you to much to hurt you like that."
He made me feel so much better. Then he said that he is going to beat up my ex-boyfriend, Whelk Boy!!!
I guess I don't know what to think now. I'm sad, but at least I know that he cares for me.
And besides, Prom is comin' up...maybe he'll dance with me. LOL

Marinesco's Last Day

Today was Marinesco's last day here in Philly. She's off to an even smaller town! She brought in a bunch of cupcakes, and I felt really bad because people I don't think ever talked to her before were all like "Can I have a cupcake?" just because she had food. If they're big enough douche bags that they can't even talk to her a little bit before they ask for a cupcake....well yeah.
Other than that thought I am really happy. Not that Marinesco's moving away. Last time she moved I was totally upset about it, but she and I talked a lot online and e-mailed each other. I figure that's going to happen again.
A bunch of girls (myself included) were playing cards during English, and we were yelled at so many times it wasn't even funny. During ITT Mr. B was telling us how bad everybody did on the Metal Working Test and stuff. Then, after class when he was passing out all the tests, he said that out of everybody that is currently in the class (around 40 people) I scored the highest. I had 101% I was so freakin' excited! I mean, how often do I score better than everybody else...not so much.
Since today was the last day of third quarter and my last day of Health and ITT I spent the time doing something peculiar. I kept lookin' at dudes' butts. Not many people in this town have nice booties. Well, none compare to Man-pretty's of course. Oh my goodness, today he was standing at the dairy bar and he was leaning over and swinging his foot. It was so sexy. I find that every day I like him more. I am not sure how this is humanly possible, but somehow it is. I thought that back in the day (October) I had the biggest crush on him and it could not possibly get any bigger. I WAS WRONG!!!

Freakin' Hormones!

Yes, you read that correctly. It would probably be better if the thoughts in my head were dirty. Unfortunately, they're not and I am stuck with all these romantic ideas about Man-pretty.
Has anyone else noticed the patch cute patch growing on his chin? I feel kinda bad because I know he's been trying to grow it since at least Homecoming (that's when I asked him about it), but it's just now becoming visible.
First and second blocks went REALLY fast today. Then, when I got into band I had the best/worst thing happen. Usually, I'm one of the first people to band, as I was today. I opened my cage that contains Billy (my French horn) and found something besides my folder and case. A rather large book (690 pages to be exact) was also in there. The book is Wizard and Glass The Dark Tower IV by Stephen King. Man-pretty lent me the first three in the series and promised to lend me the fourth too.
I felt special that he had been thinking about me (other than seeing/talking to/with me) and brought the book to my cage. Then again, I felt kind of uncomfortable with him going in my cage because I have been known to keep some odd stuff in there (underware). Then on a different side of my triangle of thought, maybe he put it in my cage so he could avoid facial confrontation between the two of us.
Avoiding the last train of thought, I decided to be happy all day.
In ITT Mr. B said I was a genius because I found an error on his test that no one else in the class had noticed.
Mr. C told me that he was disappointed in me because I spent the entire class talking to the girl I had been sitting infront of today. I'm not sure what to call her yet. She's a known troublemaker and everything, but we had A LOT in common and I really enjoyed talking with her. Anyway...

Book Sale

Today I made an announcement that I was going to give up on guys. I mean, I'm still going to like guys, but not feel so strongly toward them. Then Pink Piggy told me to turn around and see if I still felt that way. Yeah, I turned around, saw Man-pretty and said "damnit!" Very amusing situation I thought I would share.
I bought 7 that's SEVEN books at the book sale today. It's only the first day and they add stuff every day. Four of the books were Stephen King, and the other three made me mad. I read these absolutely wonderful books a while ago. They're kinda like juvenile Stephen King. Anyway, all three of the books in the series were sitting on the floor for sale. I got mad and bought them.

CHANGE YOUR MIND

Racey days
Help me through the hopeless haze
But my oh my
Tragic eyes
I can't even recognise myself behind
So if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

Out again, a siren screams at half past ten
And you won't let go
While I ignore, that we both felt like this
Before it starts to show
So if I had a chance
Would you let me know

Why aren't you shaking
Step back in time
Graciously taking
Oh your too kind

And if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

We're all the same
And love is blind
The sun is gone
Before it shines

And I said if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

The past week

I haven't posted in almost a week because I have been so busy that it's not even funny. First off, I've been sad about Man-pretty's answer, Marinesco didn't go to school Monday-Thursday, I lost my English notebook, all the things in my English notebook (plus a bunch more) were due to be typed and perfected by Friday, I had a two part (over achiever me) English project due on Friday, on Friday I had a presentation which I presummed would be horrible, I had to schedule a Forensics practice, Saturday was Districts for Forensics, I had a YAC meeting Thursday night (the night before all my crap was due), I had accidentally started myself on fire and I am still jumpy around flames, and there were so many other little things I cannot mention.

Well, the week is over and I survived. Last night I was listening to a couple CDs I bought and I have come to the conclusion that I'm not going to fuss over Man-pretty's answer.
Marinesco came back to school on Friday and announced that she had spent her week in a mental institution. This Thursday she is moving back to Marinesco.
I found my English notebook.
Thursday night the YAC meeting was canceled, so I was able to finish my two part project and get the vast majority of my English binder finished. Thursday morning I had had eight things finished. By the time I went to bed that night I had eighteen things completed. Eighteen out of twenty-five things. I wasn't upset. I was proud that I accomplished so much.
Thursday I was also able to get in a Forensic's practice.
Yesterday, at Forensics, I managed to do GREAT!!!
For all of you who are not acquainted with Forensics (not the science), there are different categories and you are judged three times a day on your performance. Each category has five different aspects that they are judged on...each worth five points with a possible of twenty-five points.
I am in Solo Acting. I have memorized eight minutes of material which I presented. My first round my score was 20. I had done mediocre. My second round I kicked ass. Personally, I believe that was my best round by far...I scored 22. My third, and final round, I sucked. Mrs. T had told me to take longer pauses, so I did. Unfortunately I took too long of a pause and lost where I was. It took me a few seconds to remember what I had to say next. After the round I was so scared to see what I had scored for my three rounds. I didn't expect to make it to State my Freshman year. What made it worse was, I was standing there and someone told me my zipper was done. So not only did I suck it up, my fly was down. WHY DID I HAVE TO DRINK TWO CUPS OF COFFEE AND PEE SO MUCH!!! When I got my results I was amazed to see that my third round I HAD A PERFECT SCORE OF TWENTY-FIVE!!!
I'm headed for State and I could not be more excited!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today was my birthday. IT SUCKED!!!
We had lockdown.
Victim told me why she thought Man-pretty had said no.
The band didn't sing "Happy Birthday" to me.
A lot of people were talking about how slutty I looked today.
I was called to the office because someone complained about the length of my skirt.
And to top it all off:

I TOLD OFF MR. HUFTEL.
He told me that someone had complained and that I had to change.
I got up and said okay...but I took my geometry book, notebook, and folders and slammed them down onto the chair I had been sitting in.
I started raving about how the skirt I was wearing was part of the dance team uniform that Mr. Huftel himself had approved of and that when we wore it to games he had no problem with it.
Yeah, he didn't believe that it was my uniform so I showed him where it said "DANCE" on the waistband. I still don't think he believes that it was part of the uniform he approved of.

Then we had a concert...that went pretty fine...I talked to Man-pretty about the amount of white fuzzies he had on his pants.

The best part of today was when my dad gave me an ipod. I was so excited. It was so totally awesome.

Nothing Against Me

Yesterday I was so happy/disgruntled. Confused on how I could be both? Yeah, Mom and I went shopping at Mall of America. She bought me the most gorgeous Prom dress. She even made me try on this really, really poofy multi-colored one that probably weighed more than I do. Then, at Sam Goody it took me 10 minutes to find one CD because their music section was out of order and I couldn't find anybody to help me. When I went to go check out I waited in line for a couple minutes, then when I got to the front the cashier guy said "We don't take cash in this line." THEN HAVE A DAMN SIGN THAT SAYS SO!!! I was so pissed I almost told him off. I stalked off to another line where I was stuck behind this guy who literally bitched about his daughter buying $7 worth of candy for about five minutes.
Before we left we managed to get lost. After that I was in a fantastic mood because all the people finally got out of my way and I could listen to the CD I bought (Hot Fuss by The Killers).

Then today I was so lazy. I watched TV and did pretty much nothing else until I decided to check my e-mail. Saturday I had sent an e-mail to Man-pretty asking him if he was still thinking about going out with me. Yeah, he finally answered. Here's his reply:

Hey
Yeah, sorry I've een very busy, I practically live at Copps now. I have no weekends and I have no life, coincidentally.
I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to say no. It's nothig against you, I'm just not interested in any kind of relationship with anybody right now, life is pretty rough.

Well, he finally answered and I guess that's something. I responded and said that it was okay...then I babbled about something else to make it look like it wasn't a big deal. It is though, I've liked him for six months. If anyone cares...I'm not crying the entire time...just everyonce in a while.

WANNA HEAR THE BEST PART??? MY 15TH BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!!

One Month

Guys are douche bags. It has been one, freaking month since I asked Man-pretty out. I don't understand it, I mean, why can't guys ever like me? I mean, do I have some huge, neon sign hanging over me that says "Just a Friend"?????????????
I mean come on!
Tomorrow I'm goin' shopping, so I'm gonna by myself something really cool. I'm pathetic. I mean, I'm upset, so I'm going to fill this empty void in my life with something materialistic.

Is something THAT wrong with me?

Okay, so I have been thinking about the past year.
What's happened in the past twelve months that bothers me:
Beaver stopped talking to me when someone told him I liked him...which I never did.
G-string told me that I'm not "girlfriend material" and that I'm not the type of girl guys go for.
G-string went out with Bitch instead of me.
Bitch hung all over M&M to "make me jealous.

I asked M&M out and he laughed at me.

Every time I see M&M he has to remind me that he will never go out with me.

Apparently, I'm not good enough for Stuck Up.

Bitch decided that she had a thing for Man-pretty.

I liked Man-pretty for five months, and when I finally got enough courage to ask him out, he never answered me.

Grrr...is there something heinously wrong with me that guys find they can't treat me with a little bit of respect? I mean, that's just the stuff that I wanted to post!

Shorty has said that Man-pretty's been absolutely swamped lately. Since it usually takes him a while to make a decision, she's not surprised he hasn't answered yet.

Okay, now I'm gonna post some lyrics!

LOVE SONG

I've never writen a love song

that didn't end in tears.

Maybe you'll rewrite my love song

if you can replace my fears.

I need your patience and guidance

and all your lovin' and more.

When thunder rolls through my life

will you be able to weather the storm?

There's so much I would give ya, baby

if I'd only let myself.

There's this well of emotions

I feel I must protect.

But what's the point of this armor

if it keeps the love away, too?

I'd rather bleed with cuts of love <--}my favorite part

than live without any scars. <--}

Baby, can I trust this?

Or do all things end?

I need to hear that you'd die for me

again and again and again.

So tell me when you look in my eyes

can you share all the pain and happy times?

'Cause I will love you for the rest of my life.

This is my very first love song

that didn't end in tears.

I think you re-wrote my love song

For the rest of my years.

I will love you for the rest of my life.

Poor Marinesco

I'm sure everyone from Philly knows about the underware incident that happened today. Just to let people know, if they find Marinesco's thongs, she DOES want them back.

The PENIS Game

Oh my goodness! So I found out that Pink Piggy and Marinesco didn't have a clue what the penis game was. Yeah, I taught them how to play...obviously. Marinesco REALLY liked it. We were playing a lot during lunch.

For those of you who don't know how to play the penis game, it consists of each person taking a turn to scream "penis." Each time the person has a turn, they scream it louder and louder, and the person who laughs first loses.

We were playing this and everyone at our table was just starin' at us. It was absolutely fantastic. The bell rang and we walked through the hall screaming "penis," people were looking at us weirdly. Anyway, Man-pretty turned around and Absolutely SCREAMED it. Marinesco and I just busted out laughing and we announced him the winner. Yeah, all three of us got a kick out of that.

Someone else was talking about their cat having 7 nipples during lunch. The funny thing about that was Pepe le Douche (teacher of American Studies) was walking by and he heard it. Yeah, that look was absolutely PRICELESS!!! I cannot express into words how great he looked. I mean, he's old, kinda mean, and uptight.

Obviously lunch was the highlight of my day.

Oh, plus Mrs. M said "hell" today in English. I started laughing and I pointed at her and said "You said hell. I said hell." Everyone laughed at me...it was the greatest.

FEEL FREE TO POST A COMMENT ON ANYTHING!!!

So I had a YAC meeting today that I totally spaced about. YAC is an organization at our local library. Someone reminded me about it on the bus this morning, so I was actually able to go. It was quite amusing. I sat next to G-string and M&M. G-string was telling me about how his brother comes back from Iraq in 29 days. He's only 19 and he's been there for about 5 months. Yeah, apparently they've been finding a lot of WWII weapons and stuff.
During the actual meeting part we picked out colors for the furniture that's going to go into the new TEEN CENTER. For those of you who haven't seen the half-finished TEEN CENTER at the PPL, I suggest you check out the shelves that I helped paint!

Victim wasn't at school today. Last night I was talkin' to her on the phone and she seemed really sick. She's been having some problems getting over her boyfriend. I'm trying as hard as I can to be there for her because she was there when Whelk Boy dumped me, but it's really hard because I don't know if I say something if she'll laugh at it or it'll make her cry.
She was telling me how she thinks Man-pretty's going to say yes. Victim said that she knows what's taking him so long about answering. He thinks he's a horrible boyfriend, and since he actually likes me, he doesn't want to hurt me.
I wish he would let me make the decision on whether or not he's a bad boyfriend.
I'm not waiting for an answer anymore. When he comes to a decision he knows where to find me.

Church Camp

Yeah, I am a dork, but Bible Camp sounds really fun. I mean, I think I need to learn more about the Bible.
The fact that the camp is co-ed doesn't hurt either. JOKING!!! I need to make some new friends anyway...not that the ones I have are bad, but BB is always talking abou the interesting people she met at Brain Camp.
It isn't until July though, so I've got a ways to wait.

I've come to the conclusion that I am insane.
Don't ask me why, you'd probably get scared.
I cannot believe out basketball team lost. Seriously, we have the most kickass team ever. Mo said that it was a really close game though. It's sad 'cause I really wanted to travel with them. Mr. K said that if they advanced any further the pepband would get to go with. WOW! I am a total band geek! Actually I thought it would be neat to take long bus rides with certain tuba players in the band (take a guess at which one I mean, there's only two and one's a crackhead).

I've also decided that I'm going to start color-coding my posts. Instead of just picking a color I haven't used for a while.

This color is for crap.
This color is for poetry.
This color is for stories (if I ever get around to posting any).
This color is for when I'm feeling romantic.
This color is for when I'm upset.
This color is for when I want to vent.

My three favorite physical properties of Man-pretty

*Eyes
*Lips
*Hienny (yes I said hinny and not ass)

He has the deepest, darkest, most chocolatey, luminous, brown eyes I've ever looked into. This picture I have does none of his features their rightful justice.
His lips are full and luscious. Their perfect roundness makes me envious. I wish I could feel those lips upon mine.
Last, but not least, would be his spectacular hienny. Its shape is magnificently excentuated by the fact that he wears pants that fit him properly.

What I love about you

I love the way you bellow the school song.
I love the way you start dancing whenever.
I love the weird noises you make.
I love how you care about what I have to say even when I'm just babbling.
I love your passion for music.
I love how your cheeks puff out when you play the tuba.
I love how your hand touches your face when you read.
I love the funny accents and voices you do.
I love how you talk about your scars as if they're no big deal.
I love how you scream the lyrics to "Get Low" even though you're white.
I love how you claim that you're barely white.
I love your intensity for stories and books.
I love the way you smell even when you're not wearing cologne.
I love the fact you keep a broom in your car.
I love the not-quite-appropriate jokes you tell.
I love how you lie about songs you didn't write.
I love how you use profanity to be funny.
I love how you announce that you have glow-in-the-dark boxers.
I love how you picked me up and spun me around.
I love the way you'd rather be called Jim
I love the way you're always concerned about your "wang."
I love how you ripped off part of my book and tried to eat it.
I love how you unbutton your pants to tuck in your shirt.
I love how you make fart noises with my bracelet.
I love the fact that you sound exactly like the singer from THE DARKNESS.
I love how indecisive you are even though it kills me inside.

My Oath

Yesterday before dance, I made an oath on my LIVESTRONG band. I promised myself that if Man-pretty hadn't answered me by today I would stop waiting for an answer because I doubt I would get one beyond this point. I was about to ask him if he was ever going to answer, but I was cut off. He wore his cowboy hat (save a horse, ride a cowboy) and he put on my head. I looked up at him and it fell over my face. It was funny. I was about to ask him, but Shy came up to my and asked if I could help her get the rest of the dance team girls together. Man-pretty just kept walking...straight to the door.
Well, today has been three weeks since I asked him out. I told Shorty about my vow and sometime today she told him about how he should answer me. He told her that he's STILL thinking about it.
What I want to know is what's so difficult? I mean, he said he HAD issues about dating, but he's gotten over them. Apparently he likes me. Then what's the problem? I hope G-string's not right about me. He said that I'm a really good friend. I'm a girl a guy can talk too, but it would be weird to date me.
What if Man-pretty is thinking the same thing?
I guess it doesn't matter.
Not to me anyhow, I doubt I'll ever get an answer.

My Petition

I've started a petition so my mom will let me go to Prom. So far I have about 60 names on it (ten of which are made up names or characters from Napolean Dynamite...provided by J). Shorty told me that she'd gladly be my date to Prom the weird thing is that she was supposed to be Man-pretty's date (as friends). I asked Pink Piggy about it and she said that apparently he might be going with someone else. That sucks.
This is the second time I've written this because the first time he walked by my computer. I'm still at school talking to J while she's trying to finish her book report that was due today. Man-pretty's sitting four computers away listening tomusic. He looks so cute when he's singing along. I feel kinda retarded 'cause I keep looking over at him. I've come to the conclusion that if he doesn't answer me by the end of the week I'm just going to assume his answer to be a no.

Okay, I still have nothing to do, so I'm in the lab again. I don't think I can stand all the people talking about what they did in detention today. Sometimes I think I need to let loose and break some rules or something.
Wow, he's so cute it's not even funny. It's kind of exciting talking about him...well typing about him when he'slike three computers away.
DAMNIT!!!
Mrs. A asked me to describe love during class the other day. I described how I feel about Man-pretty. She said that those were the beginning stages of love. I don't want to love him. I don't think I can.