Suite Sister Mary by Queensryche

Man-pretty burned me a CD by Queensryche (actually two CDs). He was singing this song the other day and he said how much it reminded him of me. I'm guessing it's just because of the title because. Once in a while he actually calls me Sister Mary/Mari. LOL

Suite Sister Mary

[SPOKEN]

[Dr. X:] "Kill her. That's all you have to do.

"[Nikki:] "Kill Mary?"

[Dr. X:] "She's a risk, and get the priest as well."

10 P.M., I feel the rain coming down

My face feels the wet, my mind the storm

Flashing lights as people race to find shelter from the pour

Moving silent, through the streets, they're mine, they're

mine

Midnite, she sings praises in the Hall

To saintly faces hallowed be their names she can't recall

Sister Mary, virgin Mary, silent with her sin

( [Mary:] "What are you doing out in the rain?" )

She feels me, I can taste her breath when she speaks

( [Mary:] "I've been waiting for you. Come in." )

Mary, Mary just a whore for the underground

They made you pay in guilt for your salvation

Thought you had them fooled? Now they've sent me for you

You know too much for your own good

Don't offer me faith, I've got all I need here

My faith is growing, growing tight against the seam

What we need is trust, to keep us both alive

Help us make it through the night

[Mary]

I've no more want of any faith

Binds my arm and feed my mind

The only peace I've ever known

I'll close my eyes and you shoot

No Mary, listen, you've got to pull your strength from my lips

I pray I feed you well

Your precious cross is gone, it made me wait so long

For what you gave to everyone

The priest is cold and dead on his knees he fed

From my barrel of death, he turned the Holy water red

As he died he said thank you

I just watched him bleed

[Mary]

I feel the flow, the blessed stain

Sweating hands like fire, and flames

Burn my thighs, spread in sacrificial rite

The hallowed altar burns my flesh once more tonight

Mary, sweet lady of pain

Always alone

Blind you search for the truth

I see myself in you, parallel lives

Winding at light-speed through time

No time to rest yet

We've got to stop his game

Before madness has the final laugh

Too much bloodshed

We're being used and fed

Like rats in experiments

No final outcome here

Only pain and fear

It's followed us both all our lives

There's one thing left to see

Will it be him or me?

There's one more candle left to light

[Mary]

Don't turn your back on my disgrace

The blood of Christ can't heal my wounds...so deep

The sins of man are all I taste

Can't spit the memory from my mind

I can't cry anymore

Mary, my lady of pain, always alone

Blind you search for the truth

I see myself in you, parallel lives

Winding at light-speed through time, you're mine

Graduation!

Graduation kicked some serious ass. Don't ask me about the ceremony because I was only able to catch the last half of the names being called.
Gosh, I feel like such a whore. I guess I can't be considered one though. I mean, it was with my boyfriend, so it's not wrong. I don't know, it just felt weird to skip out on the ceremony to go with Man-pretty. DON'T GET ME WRONG, WE DIDN'T FOOL AROUND!!! We talked a lot. We only kissed a couple times, and they were brief. We were just talking and then he asked me a question. I asked him the same thing and he said, "Well, I'm always thinking about you." Then he put his arms around me and hugged me. He kept saying all these sweet things that I couldn't come with responses to. I think he has the same fears that the summer might tear us apart. He kinda expressed this when I was leaning against him and his head was resting on mine. He said, "I love you so much. I don't want to let you go. I don't want to ever leave you." Then he gently kissed me on the cheek. What was I supposed to say to that? I looked at him and said that I loved him too, and then I kissed him. We were sitting there and I was thinking about how I got exactly what I wanted. I've liked him since the first day I met him. For the longest time all he wanted to be was friends--even when he did like me as well.
I know for a fact that since we've been dating he's developed more feelings for me and I have for him. I can't imagine what it would be like now if he had never given me a chance. He didn't want to date me for fear we'd get too attached. However, he changed his mind and said that didn't matter anymore. I just wonder what it would be like if he would have said yes when I asked him out in February. I am glad it turned out this way, though. It sounds stupid, but the way it hurt when he said he only wanted to be friends made it feel so much better when he asked me out.
Wow, I am very emotional right now! There's only two days of school left, so we'll see what happens from there. I really, truly hope that Man-pretty and I see each other over break. It's the last summer he has before he graduates and leaves for Texas. Damn, Texas is so far away :'(
The way I see it, summer can either make or break this relationship......

I haven't posted in a while!

Wow, it's been so long!
Yesterday was so weird without having the seniors there. It's freaky to imagine that tomorrow at graduation may very well be the last time I see the majority of them. Graduation should be fun. The band gets to play. Unfortunately, K lost my copy of the "Commencement Suite." However, I am going to ask Man-pretty if he could give me a ride home!
Yeah, I cannot believe that it has been over eight....that's EIGHT (8) days since we have kissed. I really wish my dad didn't live in the next town. Man-pretty gives me a ride home every day when I'm at my mom's, but since my dad lives in the next town I don't want him giving me a ride eight miles (one mile for every kissless day!) out of his way. He would have to drive me home and then drive the eight miles back to his house. Sixteen miles just for me is ridiculous...especially because of the gas prices! Tuesday he even offered to give me a ride, but I declined.
Since school ends on Wednesday, all the teachers have been trying to cram as much homework in as possible. So every morning either he or I are trying to finish some assignment. I guess that's why we haven't gone into the periodical room.
Summer always seems to be the death of high school relationships. People get jobs/work more hours and loose contact with the other person. I'm scared that's going to happen between Man-pretty and I. He even signed me year book, "............See you around, hopefully." Does that mean that he doesn't expect us to see one another a whole lot this summer? I am so confused! I blame it on my kissing withdrawl! LOL

Allergies

Have you ever seen fluroscent yellow snot? I have when it came out of my nose! I have the world's worst allergies. I've been suffering since last Tuesday. I can just feel the sick that has settled in my sinuses...it has no plan on leaving anytime soon. Lucky for me, they come and go. I giggle whenever I'm around Man-pretty because the smell of his cologne opens my nasal passage and I can breathe through my nose! Isn't he wonderful?
Yeah, he and I were sitting in the library today. Somehow it ended up with me leaning against him and his arms around my middle. We were just talking. He told me about how long his weekend was because he hadn't seen me and that's all he looked forward to all weekend. Sweet.
Mrs. M (English teacher) walked by and neither of us took our arms off each other. It was quite awkward.
Then during English she was complimenting me and how good of a writer I am and something about how I am one of the few people she knows who can comfortably write in the same tense throughout the entire story. That's cool. I got all bored and junk, so I went into her room and cleaned out her dictionary/thesaurus cabinet (take a look, IT'S CLEAN!). Then she came in and continued to praise me...then she threw in "So I see you and Man-pretty are getting serious. He's a nice guy."
Don't get me wrong in this, but it actually makes me feel good that my English teacher approves of my boyfriend. Wow, I'm a dork! But no, seriously now...Mrs. M is one of my favorite teachers and she acts like a real person (mostly teachers hate revealing their personal lifes).
Oh yeah! It's time for me to go discharge a bunch of yellow snot again! Joy joy. When I got home today I took a two hour nap...it felt nice, but I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight.

I am special

Okay, okay...so I know only 5% of high school relationships actually turn into loving, committed marriages. As much as I hate to admit it, Man-pretty and I won't last--the odds are against us. I recently found something out that will keep me set apart from all his past/future girlfriends. I'm not going to specify what.
Black told me that she is almost positive that every time he talks about me he gets a little excited...which I didn't need to hear. Black had been teasing him because she saw us kissing this morning. She told me that she was like, "Do you loooooove her?" and he said that he does love me and she believes he really, truly cares for me. He also told her all about how we first kissed.
The thing is, I love him too. After school I gave him a hug and I told him that I love him. When he hugs me I don't want him to let go. Am I crazy?

Why wouldn't my blog update yesterday?!?!

For those of you who haven't heard, Man-pretty and I had our first kiss yesterday. I met him in the library, just like any other day, but I mustered up enough courage to hold his hand. We were hugging, and he kissed me on the lips twice and then slipped some tongue my way. He gave me a ride home yesterday and we kissed in his car as well. He is so sweet. When I talk with him he looks me in the eye and smiles. He gives me compliments and makes me feel good about myself. When we kiss he puts his hand on the small of my back and pulls me close to him.
This morning we talked for half an hour before the bell rang and we kissed good bye. We kissed, hugged, kissed, and hugged. He was joking around and asked if I cared if I was late for homeroom or not.
Then he said he loved me. Obviously I said it back because I'm sure I do. We kissed again and it was amazing.

Fun fun for Me!

Yesterday my horoscope said that I would be having an interesting conversation with some. I'm not sure if I believe what my horoscope says, but I check it daily.
Well, truth be told, I did have a VERY INTERESTING conversation with Man-pretty last night. It started normal, but steadily progressed to not so normal. I'm not going to say exactly what he said because I would have to say the majority of it for any one who wasn't involved to understand anything...like the inatimate objects for example.
I have also come to the conclusion that he also has TMIS...do you hear that Chicken Giggles? I am not alone with this!
It wasn't even dirty, but it was so freakin' hilarious. Of course, we ended the convo with little internet kisses!
OOOOOO....he just signed in!

National Tuba Day

Wow, today was a very eventful day. First off, it's National Tuba Day. After school Man-pretty gave me a ride home, which was very exciting for obvious reasons. I had my hair cut...quite a bit shorter than it had been. Not to mention, that before school I went to talk with Man-pretty, and before I left to go to homeroom we kissed! It wasn't like tonguing or anything, but it was so nice and I loved it. Even if I could, I wouldn't change any part of it.
Since he and I are both kinda dorky, it was suiting to have our first kiss in the library. LOL
We were sitting on that sofa in the back of the library talking and the bell rang. I got up to go, but turned around to give him a kiss on the cheek. He pulled me up to him and gave me a hug. When we both pulled away we just looked at each other and leaned in and kissed. Then he pulled me in for another hug.
When I got to Mr. Z's room it was locked 'cause he was in a meeting. While we were waiting I told Chicken Giggles my exciting news. Mrs. M took attendance in her room and sent us into the library, which is Man-pretty's homeroom!
The rest of the day dragged on, but seemed to go so fast...I'm not sure if that makes sense or not. Man-pretty gave me a ride home, but when we pulled into my driveway my aunt and cousin were sitting on the porch. Of course, I didn't care, so I leaned over and kissed him! I'm talking to him right now and he just said that it made him feel weird, but I assured him that you can't see anything from up there because of the glare from the windshield.
TODAY ROCKED!

I DID IT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA TO YOU ALL!

So I kissed him, only on the cheek, but still. I felt so awkward around him since I gave him that stupid note. Then during lunch I had to sit really close to Man-pretty because there were a lot of people sitting at our table. He and I were goofing around and it was freakin' awesome. Then I told him that I have TMIS--Too Much Information Syndrome. He was like, "Yeah, when I read that note I was like 'that's good to know.'" We were walking down the hall talking about how I wouldn't be able to reach his cheek anyway. He said that if he gave me a piggy back ride I might, but then I'd be too high. I was all like, "Well, I could just have you bend over. Bend over!" Then he did, and I kissed him on the cheek! He said thank you. That was sweet.
I'm all excited now.
Yeah, I finished my scoreboard today. Mrs. M said that she wants to take a picture of it and send it in to The Bee. I thought that was freakin' awesome!

National Pick on Me Day

I was unaware that today was the day to make fun of me. First off, I had Chicken Giggles (formerally Peanuts) making fun of the fact that I am scared to kiss Man-pretty. Then I had Cookies make fun of me when she asked if I had at least hugged him in the two weeks (YAY!) that he and I have been dating. I had to say no. For those of you who don't know who I'm talking about when I say Cookies, she is very pretty, smart, and athletic.
Then of course there was geometry. I cannot even come up with a name for this guy. If you go to school in Philly I garuntee you know who he is. He's barely taller than I am, a junior, lots of facial hair, a very distinctive voice, and the most embarrassing name I have ever heard. He is a very nice guy though. I have a very strong suspician that he doesn't talk to a whole lot of girls though, I'm not really sure why, he's really nice. Anyway, he was totally raggin' on me all class. It was done in a nice manner though because what he was saying WAS funny. Except when he said, "You know, I'm not sure who's more needy. You or Man-pretty."
During lunch I almost died. I started choking on a grape and everyone was laughing because they thought I was laughing or something. It was really scary because I couldn't breathe. Man-pretty asked if I was alright and I got up and ran to the bathroom because I thought I had to throw up. Pink Piggy came in and told me that when I got up and ran Man-pretty looked really concerned about me. When I came back he told me he was going to go after me, but I had gone into the girls' bathroom. Then during English Dora said that he said some other stuff that sounded like he was concerned.
The thing is, I had been planning on kissing him during lunch. Not like making out, but like on the cheek. Then I almost died, and I felt embarrassed, so I didn't do it.
Chicken Giggles made me write him a note, so I did. In that note I told him that I was going to kiss him. Then I did the craziest thing: I gave the note to him! He took it and said he was going to read it at work. Well he's been at work for about 3 1/2 hours now!

Love is Only a Feeling by The Darkness

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand

'Cause you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting Away)
When I'm in your arms I start beleiving
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed

That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting Away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting Away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(It's here to stay)
'Cause love is only a feeling
Anyway

Yeah, this song reminds me of Man-pretty (obviously) because I don't want to love him, I cannot physically love him without hurting myself. The thing is, every day I find myself caring for him more than I want to allow myself to. I'm starting not to care whether or not I get hurt by it.

Great News: He said he likes me and why!

Yeah, Friday Victim, Pink Piggy, Skinny, and myself walked home and went to IGA to see Man-pretty and to buy batteries. Yeah, he was stocking the asile with all the tampons, pads, condoms, and pregnancy tests. Then we went to Skinny's house for like half an hour. There was this guy there who was hitting on me. It was creepy because he's in the 6th grade. He was like, "Can I have a hug?" and before I could say no he was on me. When we got back to my house I e-mailed Man-pretty about a very interesting subject that I will not mention here! However, I will say that his response was a good/sweet one that makes me want him even more.
Pink Piggy, Victim, and I went shopping and it was freakin' awesome. I was ripped off on a CD...that was edited!
Tonight I came online and that was when I read Man-pretty's response to my e-mail. I e-mailed back and said something and then he IMed me the answer. Then he was all like "I have no clue why you want me!" Then he was like "I like you cause your short and cute and can fit in my trunk even with the spare tire." Now we're talking about how I want to kiss him and how I think he's sexy. He's all excited because he found out that I wasn't joking when I said "yeah."