"We'll never be as young as we are right now." --Jim Steinman

Saturday, July 23, 2005

The Band Geek and other interesting stuff

Alright, so since I will be in the wilderness with no phone, music, TV, or computer this next week, I will spend my time trying to come up with the perfect name for "The Apartment Searcher Guy" because <--- name right there is way too long for you. I feel that you deserve a worthy name, so I will spend time giving you a proper one that ranks as high as others I have given people....such as My Favorite Blond, Peanuts, Grandpa Stick, Dora, Mo, Pink Piggy, Victim, Man-pretty, The Fool, and Whelk Boy. Wish me luck with that.

Okay, I'm going to post my schedule for the '05-'06 school year, so if anyone has any classes with me, please comment and let me know so I won't be all aloney on my owney.

Quarter 1 Block1 Block 2 3A 3B Block 4
Drivers Ed. Chemistry Band English Contemporary Literature
Quarter 2
Chemistry Biology Band English Lifeguard Training
Quarter 3
Speech Hstry of Ecnmy Band English Adv. Algebra
Quarter 4
Adv. Algebra Biology Band English Info. Processing II

What a fun year, huh?
I'm almost done...I seriously think that I am going to have some serious issues not having a computer at all this week. I won't even have any music to help me cope...I guess I'll just dance the week away....I'll miss all you guys!!!
With that, I'll leave you all with this hilarious thing Dora sent me...the funny thing is that it's very true for all of us Band Geeks out there. I can actually relate to what it says about a French Horn since I've played the French Horn for.....hmmm....4 years now....

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL:
The Band Geek!! (dun dun duh! *aka dramatic music*)

Ah, here we see a herd of band geeks in their natural habitat: the band field, commonly mis-labeled as the football field. Never make this mistake within earshot of the band geek. Band geeks and football players are natural enemies. Competition for territory is fierce. Band geek herds normally win by sheer numbers, as football players tend to keep their herds small in number. Band geeks herds have been known to reach numbers of 150 or more.


The band geek is a complex and fascinating animal, capable of moving at high speeds in unison to form complex and intricate shapes on the fields, as well as producing amazing musical sounds. Herds of band geeks will frequently gather on weekends to put on these displays, coming from all over the area to participate and often waiting hours at a time for their turn. Band geeks are best viewed during the fall season when they gather with their individual herds to practice for the regional gathering of the herds. Band geeks have been known to migrate huge distances simply to attend these gatherings, known as ¡§tournaments¡¨ to the band geek.

Though the herds of band geeks move as a single unit, the herd is actually made up of numerous subspecies of band geek. There are four main classifications of band geek, each with its respective subspecies. The classifications are: Percussion, Brass, Woodwind and Pageantry, often called Color Guard.

The band geek herd is led by one to two alpha band geeks, typically known as drum majors. The Drum Major may come from any known subspecies. Unlike with other animals, the status of the Drum Major is not determined by popularity, talent, or strength, but rather the odd ability to wave their arms around for long periods of time. This is their main function and they labor under the delusion that other members of the herd are watching them.

The Percussion band geek falls into one of two subspecies: the Drumline, made up of bass drums, quints, snares and sometimes cymbals, and the Pit, so named because that is the place most of the band would like to push them into. There are major differences between these two subspecies. The Drumline takes part in forming the musical and visual displays with the rest of the herd on the band field. They are the beat of the band, often keeping tempo when the herd is practicing. The pit, however, is stationary. They stay within a pack-rat like nest of instruments, most commonly found just in front of the Drum Major.

Next we have the Brass classification, consisting of the Trumpet, French Horn, Trombone, Baritone, and Tuba subspecies. The Brass is predominantly male, with the exception of the French Horns. The Trumpets are the highest voice, often the largest of the brass subspecies and quite frequently the most annoying. They spend most of their time competing with one another to see who can play the loudest or highest. Dynamic markings mean nothing to them. They play only loud or ear shattering. The French Horns have a slightly lower voice and are easier to tolerate than the Trumpet. They like to confuse other members of the herd by calling themselves Mellophones. The Trombones, by contrast, are nearly as annoying as the Trumpets. Their instrument doubles as a weapon, so be wary of provoking them. Unlike other species of brass, the Trombone has no valves. The typical Trombone spends most of its time swapping dirty jokes with the Baritones or fellow Trombones. The Baritones like to refer to themselves as Euphoniums. No one quite knows why. They like to talk to the Trombones without actually having to be one of them. Do not trust the Baritones. They spend their time plotting the downfall of other sections so that they can take over their solos. The tubas are the lowest voiced and calmest of the brass classification. Carrying such a large instrument will take the fight out of almost anyone. It is the dearest wish of many to destroy the woodwind section, particularly the flutes, for complaining about how heavy their tiny instruments are. Overall, the brass section is responsible for most of the sound and mayhem within the herd.

The woodwinds are natural enemies of the brass, despite being in the same herd. The woodwinds are typically smaller, calmer, and more maneuverable on the band field than the brass, yet typically cannot be heard due to the overwhelming sound of the brass. The brass do everything in their power to drown out the sound of the woodwinds. Subspecies of the woodwind include the saxophone, clarinet, and flute. Saxophone¡¦s are brass wannabe¡¦s. Their instrument is made of metal, yet they are still classified as a woodwind. Some saxophones even go so far as to stick close to the tubas during the musical displays, despite the best efforts of the tubas to avoid them. The clarinets are more tolerable than the saxophones. They tend to keep to themselves and attract relatively little animosity from other members of the herd. Many clarinets like to pretend they are really in the Pageantry classification and spin their instruments in their hands, much to the annoyance of other members of the herd. Keeping to themselves so much, clarinets are widely considered to be the least sane species of band geek. Finally, there are the flutes, the most enigmatic subspecies in the herd. They are made of metal, like the saxophones, yet do not even have a wooden reed to give them claim to being a woodwind. However, due to the animosity harbored by the tubas, the brass refuses to accept them as part of their group. The flutes are almost exclusively female and generally disliked by every other subspecies of band geek. The flute resembles a piece of plumbing and sounds like a dog whistle. They are typically clueless as to the animosity of other members of the herd and consider themselves to be the pinnacle of musical talent.

Lastly, we have the Pageantry. Like the flutes, they are almost exclusively female, though males have been known to exist. Unlike the rest of the herd, they produce no sound. The Pageantry typically consists of Sabres, Rifles, and Flags. Sabres spin fake sword like objects and rifles spin large, fake guns. Why they find this entertaining is a mystery to the rest of the band geek herd. The flags spin and throw colorful banners as part of a display understood only by other Pageantry members. The woodwinds, percussion, and brass do not consider them to be true members of the herd because they produce no sound, but let them think they are in the herd. (not true)

The behavior of the band geek varies depending on the age of the individual. The youngest is known as the Freshman. Freshmen consider themselves to be the experts of the herd and have no problem telling others this. Freshmen are frequently the targets of a ritual known as ¡§trash-canning,¡¨ performed whenever the upperclassmen are bored. The next age is the sophomore, typically made up of those who managed to live through their freshman year. Slightly more mature than the freshmen, they have finally learned that they are not the smartest members of the herd. Next are the Juniors. They try to hang around the seniors, act as immature as the sophomores and are responsible for most of the pranks committed within the herd. Lastly, the seniors, the oldest members of the herd. Seniors know everything about band. Never question this. Seniors spend a majority of their time keeping the freshmen in line and reminiscing about past field shows, usually finishing by saying the freshmen aren¡¦t nearly as good as they were.

The language of the band geek is unlike any other. While some of it resembles English, some words are known only to the band geek, such as Sectionals, Tempo, Horn flash, and Drill Charts. Conversely, some words in English are completely unknown to the band geek, words like Free Time, Individuality, and Lives. A majority of communication, however, is non-verbal and comes in the form of music produced by the instruments of the band geeks.

In conclusion, the band geek is a fascinating individual worthy of further study, particularly for its complex social structure within the herd and its ability to produce intricate and well practiced musical and visual displays.

1 comment:

Jrosed said...

WE HAVE ADVANCED ALGEBRA, AND BAND, AND ENGLISH TOGETHER!! *image those last two lol!* I wasn't writing about you one my blog...i was writing about...well without mentioning names...she has red hair!