My "talk" with Man-pretty

The blood drive was today. A certain Student Council member strutted around with her lame-ass name tag on. She used to be one of my best friends, but now I don't even think she remembers who I am.
During band and most of lunch Man-pretty donated blood because he's old enough to. I was going to confront him then...but I didn't get the chance to do so.
I started to feel better about all this after Shorty told me that Man-pretty and Black have dated off and on for some time now. Every time she breaks up with him he vows never to go out with her again because he doesn't like her. Rumor has it that she only asked him so she could have someone pay her way into Prom.
When the bell wrang after lunch I felt like I was going to puke. I had been laughing and joking around with Pink Piggy and Book, but when I turned around I saw Man-pretty and Black...they had their arms around each other. So if anyone noticed that I was upset during English...that' why.
I wanted to ask him why he lied to me. At first I was going to do it before 4th block, but he wasn't at his locker. He wasn't there either after school. I walked to the library & I saw him drivin' around. When I arrived at the library, my dad got there like, two seconds later, so he waited in the car until I was done. Yeah, when I was done, I turned to walk out of the Community Room and guess who was turning to walk in--MAN-PRETTY.
I walked back into the room and told him how I had been looking for him at school. Then I made a joke. Then I asked him why he lied to me. I tried looking him in the eyes, but it was impossible. He said that he didn't lie...he asked me what I wanted to know about it, but I couldn't say anything. Out of all the things I've thought about saying to him I couldn't think of any of them. I looked up at him again...all I saw was his brown eyes. "It's only temporary." Meaning that he doesn't expect to be dating Black long. Then he started talking about books.
I wish I would have said more; I couldn't though. I hope he was able to see how upset I was because I know I didn't tell him.
I used to think that when Whelk Boy broke up with me...well, I thought that was the worst I would ever feel. It's not. I feel worse now. I can barely eat now and my thoughts drift to suicide. I won't do it though, I'm to curious what would happen the next day...if everything would miraciously fix itself somehow....

I don't know what to do, and I don't think anyone can help me.

Why can't I ever just be happy?

Everything was going fine.
Man-pretty said he didn't want a girlfriend at the moment. LIE
Man-pretty said he could not see me hurt. LIE
Yesterday I would have given just about anything to be with him. Now I would give just about anything to never see him again.
He has hurt me so bad that I'm not sure I can feel the same for him anymore.
For those of you haven't heard:
Man-pretty has a girlfriend. That's not what bothers me; I mean, it hurts, but I'm fine with that. The part that bothers me is that he didn't tell me. We talked for two hours on Wednesday. He told me that he likes me. I don't know whether I can believe that now.
Every time I feel remotely happy something crashes down into my life and leaves me motionless. Have I done something wrong to merit all this crap I've been put through?

This day is never-ending!

I woke up at about eight so I will be able to get a good night's sleep tonight. I know I'll need one because I have Dural's class & if I don't get enough sleep at night...well I will first block.
I looked at the clock, expecting it to be around three o'clock...IT WAS TEN!!!
For those of you who don't know, I have this thing called Low Blood Pressure. My heart doesn't pump a whole lot of blood, and when I stand up not enough gets to my brain. That causes my brain to shut down and I pass out and have a minor seizzure. I'm on medication for it, but today I felt like I was going to pass out all day. When you are about to pass out it can be the worst feeling in the world followed by the most releiving. Feeling that nonstop pressure surrounding your body is horrible, and when it's not followed by that sweet relief it's unbearable. I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate passing out, but when you go from feeling like crap to feeling nothing.........

My computer is messed up. Every once in a while it goes "Ba-ding-ding!" It's not like a sound effect either...it sounds like one of those Munchkins on Wizard of Oz is in my speakers!

On the bright side, I did get to watch Down With Love...Ewan McGregor is a sexy man!!!
I can't post a picture at the moment because my computer's not letting me. As soon as I can I will though!

Happy Easter!!!

Okay, so I've kinda been telling my parents that I want to be a chef when I grow up. I really don't, but I find it to be a clever answer when they ask the dreaded question on what I plan to do with my life. Well, today it caught up with me. I really like cooking and stuff, but not when it's a holiday. My mom had me make the majority of Easter dinner. I SHOULD be a chef because my deviled eggs turned out awesome (better than my aunt's "secret recipe"), and I didn't even have a recipe to follow from. Yeah, I'm a loser because that was the highlight of my day!

Everyone has to go to this site. It's friggin' awesome. It tells you what Napoleon Dynamite phrase best matches you. I am "Tina you fat lard, come get some dinner!"
http://www.kwiz.biz/showquiz.php?quizid=11324

Then of course there's Which Napoleon Dynamite Character Are You?
http://quizilla.com/users/tylerhyde/quizzes/Which%20Napoleon%20Dynamite%20Character%20Are%20You?/
When I took this quiz, I surprizingly turned out to be Kip. LOL

This morning I went to get my eyebrows waxed. I've gotten them waxed before, but for some reason they've NEVER looked this thin. I mean, they seriously look like this ~ ~!
My mom and I accidentally locked ourselves out of our apartment today. That sucked. We eventually got back in though.
I took a two hour nap today. Can you tell that I had an EXTREMELY exciting day?


Sexy man! His name is Danny Smith...he plays the guitar and
sings for The City Drive.

Happy at Last

That's right, I'm finally happy. You might be asking yourselves "Why? She has no boyfriend, sucky grades, a grim future, etc." Well, last night I had a VERY interesting conversation with Man-pretty. We talked about everything for around two hours. Then I brought it to that one topic of why he said no..........
He illustrated one of the many reasons why I like him. He gave me two impressions last night: The first being that he and I will never date. The second that he likes me....a lot. He actually said "I like you to much to hurt you like that."
He made me feel so much better. Then he said that he is going to beat up my ex-boyfriend, Whelk Boy!!!
I guess I don't know what to think now. I'm sad, but at least I know that he cares for me.
And besides, Prom is comin' up...maybe he'll dance with me. LOL

Marinesco's Last Day

Today was Marinesco's last day here in Philly. She's off to an even smaller town! She brought in a bunch of cupcakes, and I felt really bad because people I don't think ever talked to her before were all like "Can I have a cupcake?" just because she had food. If they're big enough douche bags that they can't even talk to her a little bit before they ask for a cupcake....well yeah.
Other than that thought I am really happy. Not that Marinesco's moving away. Last time she moved I was totally upset about it, but she and I talked a lot online and e-mailed each other. I figure that's going to happen again.
A bunch of girls (myself included) were playing cards during English, and we were yelled at so many times it wasn't even funny. During ITT Mr. B was telling us how bad everybody did on the Metal Working Test and stuff. Then, after class when he was passing out all the tests, he said that out of everybody that is currently in the class (around 40 people) I scored the highest. I had 101% I was so freakin' excited! I mean, how often do I score better than everybody else...not so much.
Since today was the last day of third quarter and my last day of Health and ITT I spent the time doing something peculiar. I kept lookin' at dudes' butts. Not many people in this town have nice booties. Well, none compare to Man-pretty's of course. Oh my goodness, today he was standing at the dairy bar and he was leaning over and swinging his foot. It was so sexy. I find that every day I like him more. I am not sure how this is humanly possible, but somehow it is. I thought that back in the day (October) I had the biggest crush on him and it could not possibly get any bigger. I WAS WRONG!!!

Freakin' Hormones!

Yes, you read that correctly. It would probably be better if the thoughts in my head were dirty. Unfortunately, they're not and I am stuck with all these romantic ideas about Man-pretty.
Has anyone else noticed the patch cute patch growing on his chin? I feel kinda bad because I know he's been trying to grow it since at least Homecoming (that's when I asked him about it), but it's just now becoming visible.
First and second blocks went REALLY fast today. Then, when I got into band I had the best/worst thing happen. Usually, I'm one of the first people to band, as I was today. I opened my cage that contains Billy (my French horn) and found something besides my folder and case. A rather large book (690 pages to be exact) was also in there. The book is Wizard and Glass The Dark Tower IV by Stephen King. Man-pretty lent me the first three in the series and promised to lend me the fourth too.
I felt special that he had been thinking about me (other than seeing/talking to/with me) and brought the book to my cage. Then again, I felt kind of uncomfortable with him going in my cage because I have been known to keep some odd stuff in there (underware). Then on a different side of my triangle of thought, maybe he put it in my cage so he could avoid facial confrontation between the two of us.
Avoiding the last train of thought, I decided to be happy all day.
In ITT Mr. B said I was a genius because I found an error on his test that no one else in the class had noticed.
Mr. C told me that he was disappointed in me because I spent the entire class talking to the girl I had been sitting infront of today. I'm not sure what to call her yet. She's a known troublemaker and everything, but we had A LOT in common and I really enjoyed talking with her. Anyway...

Book Sale

Today I made an announcement that I was going to give up on guys. I mean, I'm still going to like guys, but not feel so strongly toward them. Then Pink Piggy told me to turn around and see if I still felt that way. Yeah, I turned around, saw Man-pretty and said "damnit!" Very amusing situation I thought I would share.
I bought 7 that's SEVEN books at the book sale today. It's only the first day and they add stuff every day. Four of the books were Stephen King, and the other three made me mad. I read these absolutely wonderful books a while ago. They're kinda like juvenile Stephen King. Anyway, all three of the books in the series were sitting on the floor for sale. I got mad and bought them.

CHANGE YOUR MIND

Racey days
Help me through the hopeless haze
But my oh my
Tragic eyes
I can't even recognise myself behind
So if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

Out again, a siren screams at half past ten
And you won't let go
While I ignore, that we both felt like this
Before it starts to show
So if I had a chance
Would you let me know

Why aren't you shaking
Step back in time
Graciously taking
Oh your too kind

And if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

We're all the same
And love is blind
The sun is gone
Before it shines

And I said if the answer is no
Can I change your mind

The past week

I haven't posted in almost a week because I have been so busy that it's not even funny. First off, I've been sad about Man-pretty's answer, Marinesco didn't go to school Monday-Thursday, I lost my English notebook, all the things in my English notebook (plus a bunch more) were due to be typed and perfected by Friday, I had a two part (over achiever me) English project due on Friday, on Friday I had a presentation which I presummed would be horrible, I had to schedule a Forensics practice, Saturday was Districts for Forensics, I had a YAC meeting Thursday night (the night before all my crap was due), I had accidentally started myself on fire and I am still jumpy around flames, and there were so many other little things I cannot mention.

Well, the week is over and I survived. Last night I was listening to a couple CDs I bought and I have come to the conclusion that I'm not going to fuss over Man-pretty's answer.
Marinesco came back to school on Friday and announced that she had spent her week in a mental institution. This Thursday she is moving back to Marinesco.
I found my English notebook.
Thursday night the YAC meeting was canceled, so I was able to finish my two part project and get the vast majority of my English binder finished. Thursday morning I had had eight things finished. By the time I went to bed that night I had eighteen things completed. Eighteen out of twenty-five things. I wasn't upset. I was proud that I accomplished so much.
Thursday I was also able to get in a Forensic's practice.
Yesterday, at Forensics, I managed to do GREAT!!!
For all of you who are not acquainted with Forensics (not the science), there are different categories and you are judged three times a day on your performance. Each category has five different aspects that they are judged on...each worth five points with a possible of twenty-five points.
I am in Solo Acting. I have memorized eight minutes of material which I presented. My first round my score was 20. I had done mediocre. My second round I kicked ass. Personally, I believe that was my best round by far...I scored 22. My third, and final round, I sucked. Mrs. T had told me to take longer pauses, so I did. Unfortunately I took too long of a pause and lost where I was. It took me a few seconds to remember what I had to say next. After the round I was so scared to see what I had scored for my three rounds. I didn't expect to make it to State my Freshman year. What made it worse was, I was standing there and someone told me my zipper was done. So not only did I suck it up, my fly was down. WHY DID I HAVE TO DRINK TWO CUPS OF COFFEE AND PEE SO MUCH!!! When I got my results I was amazed to see that my third round I HAD A PERFECT SCORE OF TWENTY-FIVE!!!
I'm headed for State and I could not be more excited!